The Real Question About Meghan's New Look: Did Harry Actually Notice?

The Real Question About Meghan's New Look: Did Harry Actually Notice?

Husbands invariably fail to realise their wife is sporting a new haircut – and normally there is hell to pay

The Duchess of Sussex and her new 'power player' haircut

For a moment I thought I must be losing my mind. “Meghan’s Startling New Look Reveals Who She Really Was All Along,” screamed the headline from the Mail. There were similar verdicts everywhere. “Meghan Markle Sparks Surgery Speculation with New Look,” gasped the New York Post. “Meghan’s New Hairstyle Hailed as a ‘Polished Power Move’,” trumpeted the Express. Here at the Telegraph, meanwhile, we revealed “The Meaning Behind Meghan’s Montecito Makeover”.

But then, there’s a simple explanation for this: I’m a man. And, as every long-suffering wife knows to her cost, we men are staggeringly, gormlessly, incurably unobservant. Without heavy prompting, we simply don’t notice when our wife walks in with a new hairstyle, or a new outfit. And if we don’t notice when our own wives do it, we’re hardly going to notice when someone else’s wife does. Frankly, Meghan could start wearing a false beard and most of us men wouldn’t bat an eyelid.

The reason I mention this is that I think it’s one of the key differences between men and women. And in a marriage, this unfortunate difference has the potential to cause a lot of strife. Wives can feel deeply affronted if their husbands don’t notice that they’ve got a new look. They can assume we’ve lost interest in them, or are taking them for granted. But on behalf of husbands everywhere, may I please stress that this isn’t the case at all? It’s just that when it comes to women’s fashion, we men are as keen-eyed as Mr Magoo.

We don’t mean to offend. But you must understand, our congenital inability to keep up with our wives’ wardrobe changes can be stressful for us, too. Every now and again, we experience the uneasy feeling that we don’t recognise the dress that our wife is wearing. 

And this leaves us in a terrifying dilemma. If the dress is new, and we don’t say anything, we could get in trouble for not noticing. But what if the dress actually isn’t new, and she’s owned it for years? Then, if we do say something, we’ll get in trouble for not noticing it all the previous times. It’s a nightmare. 

To the wives of Britain, therefore, I issue the following desperate plea: help us out here. Whenever you schedule an appointment at the hairdresser, write it, in big colourful block capitals, on the kitchen wall calendar. And then, just to make sure, give us a subtle reminder on the day itself. Something along the lines of: “Gosh, darling husband, I simply can’t wait to have MY HAIR CUT today. It will be so nice to have A NEW HAIRSTYLE. One that is excitingly DIFFERENT FROM the hairstyle that I CURRENTLY HAVE. I hope that you like THE NEW HAIRSTYLE I have when I come back from getting MY NEW HAIRSTYLE.”

The same with clothes. And make-up. And perfume. Everything. The first time you wear it, always give us a gentle verbal nudge of this kind, so that we’re in no doubt that a) the item is new, and b) a suitable compliment is expected. It will save both of us so much stress, and ensure that marital harmony remains serenely intact. 

I just hope Prince Harry noticed Meghan’s new look, or there will have been hell to pay. Then again, Harry’s lucky. Every time his wife so much as changes her nail polish, it leads the news for days. So even if he’s as hopelessly unobservant as the rest of us, her makeovers must be impossible for him to miss.

Harry is always moaning about the press. But frankly, I think he should be damn well grateful. He’d be in terrible trouble without us.